i am leaving...
today's blog is going to be different... there will not be any pictures...because i realise...i have too many pictures in my mind and heart tat there's no way of getting rid of and no way of pinning it here...
on saturday late afternoon...13 August 05...as the bus turns to NTUC chalet...flashes of memories flood through my mind with no control...i felt my heart aching...and i felt my eyes are getting wet..good for my contact lenz...the place that i fear and the place that i have not come for 3 months..reappeared rite in front of me..the trail tat i ventured on..and the memories that left behind had practically thrown me back to hell...but i decided to face the reality and stepped into NTUC chalet...
as the nite comes...stars started to appear..something that i hope i see and wish it didn't appear...i didn't noe how to react..i didn't noe how to be myself...i tried...i really tried...i dunnoe how he did it...but i was proud and impressed of the way he did it...
in the middle of the nite...i decided to leave for home like wat i had planned for...and well...the leaving did not affect him as much as momo...should i thank God or should i blame on my life... he didn't ask why did i leave...but i noe...if he did...i would breakdown and ask him....where do i sleep? on the bed with u...or with one of ur braddies...i hate to do tat...that's why i chose to leave...but...he didn't even fucking care....
on sunday...14 August 05...i got so much things to share with him...the good news of how i going to settle my school fees and it seems like he also got several things to tell me...i was happy...and was looking forward to the call at nite...for sometime i have not been so cheerful from heart...but also for sometime...i never felt the fall from a very high point to a very low point....
on monday morning...15 August 05...i did something stoopid again...i applied leave..thinking maybe i can spend one of his off days as a weekday outing...and ended he was thinking why should i take my leave after all he is booking in at nite...i never realise how stooopid i was...till today...
on monday nite...15 August 05...was sleeping as i lost my sleep the nite before...he called..i was happy...i called him back..hoping for a good chat...but....suddenly i realised many things...thinking tat we should keep in contact...maintaining the feelings even if we weren't together...wasn't tat he intended when he broke up...ya...maybe...after a cool off...a breakup may magically take over...and many things will just change...his priority will never be me and he never wanted it to be...i no longer mean anything to him...and i got to leave...the love we once had had gone...
on saturday late afternoon...13 August 05...as the bus turns to NTUC chalet...flashes of memories flood through my mind with no control...i felt my heart aching...and i felt my eyes are getting wet..good for my contact lenz...the place that i fear and the place that i have not come for 3 months..reappeared rite in front of me..the trail tat i ventured on..and the memories that left behind had practically thrown me back to hell...but i decided to face the reality and stepped into NTUC chalet...
as the nite comes...stars started to appear..something that i hope i see and wish it didn't appear...i didn't noe how to react..i didn't noe how to be myself...i tried...i really tried...i dunnoe how he did it...but i was proud and impressed of the way he did it...
in the middle of the nite...i decided to leave for home like wat i had planned for...and well...the leaving did not affect him as much as momo...should i thank God or should i blame on my life... he didn't ask why did i leave...but i noe...if he did...i would breakdown and ask him....where do i sleep? on the bed with u...or with one of ur braddies...i hate to do tat...that's why i chose to leave...but...he didn't even fucking care....
on sunday...14 August 05...i got so much things to share with him...the good news of how i going to settle my school fees and it seems like he also got several things to tell me...i was happy...and was looking forward to the call at nite...for sometime i have not been so cheerful from heart...but also for sometime...i never felt the fall from a very high point to a very low point....
on monday morning...15 August 05...i did something stoopid again...i applied leave..thinking maybe i can spend one of his off days as a weekday outing...and ended he was thinking why should i take my leave after all he is booking in at nite...i never realise how stooopid i was...till today...
on monday nite...15 August 05...was sleeping as i lost my sleep the nite before...he called..i was happy...i called him back..hoping for a good chat...but....suddenly i realised many things...thinking tat we should keep in contact...maintaining the feelings even if we weren't together...wasn't tat he intended when he broke up...ya...maybe...after a cool off...a breakup may magically take over...and many things will just change...his priority will never be me and he never wanted it to be...i no longer mean anything to him...and i got to leave...the love we once had had gone...
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