AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.........

hahahaha...my favourite photo for now...maybe coz it covers most of my face...hee...anyway...i recently has been very different...all my friends realised my change...i may still seems HIGH and having fun all the while...but when i am alone...i tend to think alot...i tend to think...why is it when my bf goes into army...i am not sad...i was happy...or was i sad..but i do not noe...or was it a relieve that he went in so that i do not have to take care of him and i can have all the time to myself?...or is it tat...i am just tired of trying to maintain a relationship that only make me feel tired as i always feel that i am the one giving into the relationship and trying to take good care of him and not being taken care of...wat am i thinking now...how i wish i noe the answers to all my questions....i just feel so lost and helpless at times...i do not noe how to tok to my bf on this....coz...it doesn't even make sense to me...wat do i really want....someone who takes care of me and trying to give into the relationship or...i just want a very good friend..coz sometimes..he does give me this feeling....ARGH...i feel so vexed now...why is this happening to me....i got this friend....he once asked...if both person love each other why can't they be together....now i think i can answer his question...when the love exist between two ppl...it is normal..but the committment of the love will be a different matter...and...maintaing the relationship from one side and saying from the other side is going to make the relationship very difficult...so even if there is love...but it is very tiring..one party will just leave....at least this is wat i feel...and i guess..i also feel that i am taken for granted....coz it doesn't take any pain and energy for him to make me to be with him...haiz...if HE is reading my blog now...he may not understand...or maybe...HE doesn't even read my blog....